Seen & Heard with Dr Cathy Wield – Ep 10 – Christina Macadam: Boarding School Trauma, Identity & Finding Home
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In this moving episode of the Seen & Heard Podcast, Dr Cathy Wield speaks with Christina Macadam about her experiences growing up in Kenya, attending boarding school from the age of five, and the profound impact these early experiences have had on her identity, relationships and sense of belonging.
Christina describes growing up in a family where her mother was also a teacher at her boarding school. Despite having a parent nearby, she recalls feeling unable to access her mother as a source of comfort and security. She shares memories of strict discipline, fear, humiliation and frightening experiences involving school staff, alongside the confusion of growing up between Kenya and the UK.
The conversation explores how early separation from family can affect a child’s emotional development, and how the impact of boarding school may not become fully understood until adulthood. Christina reflects on how she learned to suppress her emotions, struggled to feel at home and found it difficult to connect with others after years of institutional life.
A turning point came when she read Nick Duffell’s work and recognised experiences that resonated with her own. In recent years, Christina has begun reconnecting with parts of herself that she had long felt compelled to suppress. She speaks openly about grief, family relationships, inner-child work and the support that has helped her begin to process painful childhood experiences.
The sea has become an important part of Christina’s healing journey, providing space to feel emotions that were once pushed away. Through swimming, walking and allowing herself to grieve, she is gradually developing a different relationship with herself and the place she now calls home.
This is an honest and compassionate conversation about childhood trauma, identity, belonging and the courage it takes to reconnect with yourself. Christina’s story reminds us that healing is not about erasing the past, but about making space for the parts of ourselves that were never fully allowed to be seen.
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Chapters
00:00 – Introduction to Christina
01:19 – Life After Boarding School
03:06 – Growing Up in Kenya and Starting Boarding School at Five
05:59 – Having a Mother at School but Feeling Unable to Reach Her
09:39 – Childhood Memories of Fear and Exhaustion
12:12 – Missing Parents and Feeling Like a Prisoner
12:34 – Weekends, Punishment and Missing Out
15:20 – A Frightening Experience with a Teacher
19:17 – Finding Evidence of What Happened
22:13 – Leaving Boarding School in Kenya
23:32 – Growing Up Between Countries and Cultures
25:31 – Moving to the UK at Fourteen
28:00 – Discovering the Impact of Boarding School Trauma
29:48 – Struggling with Belonging and Finding Home
32:00 – Feeling Different and Struggling at School
33:33 – Challenging Expectations and Expressing Identity
36:39 – Beginning the Journey Back to Herself
37:06 – Inner-Child Work, Grief and Family Relationships
38:59 – Belonging, Ancestral History and Finding Home
40:32 – Reconnecting with the Land and Allowing Grief
43:09 – Suppressed Emotions and Childhood Experiences
45:56 – Identity, Difference and Feeling Separate
47:07 – Reclaiming Identity and Recognising Resilience
48:17 – Finding Home Within Yourself
50:05 – Learning to Stop Running Away from Yourself
50:31 – Final Reflections on Healing and Resilience
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About Chris Braitch and Seen & Heard:
Chris is an emotional health coach following a 20-year career in business and marketing, working with SMEs and some of the world’s largest food companies.
In 2024, he co-founded Seen & Heard, whose mission is to support the wellbeing of current and former pupils of boarding and independent day schools, and their families.
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